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The Setback That Makes You Question Who You Are

 Some setbacks disrupt your plans.

Others disrupt your identity.

Three years ago, cyclist Mark Phillips suffered a life-threatening pulmonary embolism. At the time, he feared he might never ride a bicycle again.

That fear was about more than losing an activity.

Cycling was part of how he understood himself.

When something suddenly takes away a role, ability, career, relationship, or dream that helped define you, the first question is often practical:

“What happens now?”

The more painful question comes later:

“Who am I if I can’t do this anymore?”

I understand that question.

When injuries forced me to leave professional wrestling, I didn’t simply lose something I enjoyed doing. I lost the place where I felt most recognizable to myself.

I knew who I was between those ropes.

Outside of them, I wasn’t so sure.

That is what major setbacks can do. They shake the connection between what you do and who you believe you are.

The danger is assuming that because one expression of you has been interrupted, everything valuable about you has disappeared with it.

It hasn’t.

Your ability may change.

Your circumstances may change.

Your role may change.

But the qualities underneath that role are still yours.

Discipline.

Creativity.

Courage.

Humor.

Determination.

The ability to connect with people.

The willingness to work.

Those qualities existed before the title, uniform, stage, business, or relationship. They remain after it.

Recovery begins when you stop asking how to become the exact person you were before the setback.

That person’s life has changed.

Instead, ask:

“What is still true about me?”

That question creates a starting point.

You may not be able to return immediately to the road you were traveling. You may eventually choose an entirely different road.

But losing one route does not mean you have lost yourself.

Sometimes a setback strips away the identity you depended on so you can discover the person underneath it.

That discovery is painful.

It can also become the beginning of a much stronger kind of confidence.

If a setback has left you questioning your identity or ability to recover, visit kinneyconfidence.com for practical ideas on rebuilding confidence and moving forward.


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